The film opens with an extended sequence, much of it filmed in slow motion, of a shirtless Zac Efron dripping sweat as he shoots around on the basketball court. I guess Steers knows his audience because the opening day crowd of mostly teenage girls I saw the film with erupted into shrieks of pleasure at the sight of Efron’s abs; but it hardly indicates that anything worthwhile is going to transpire over the next hour and half. And, indeed, the shirtless scene is quickly followed by a sequence of events that defies believability. Mike (Zac Efron in his teenage years, Matthew Perry as an adult) is getting ready to play the biggest game of his life (championship on the line, college scouts in the crowd, etc.). And just before the opening whistle, Scarlett (Mike’s girlfriend) decides that this would be an appropriate time to tell him that she’s pregnant. After hearing the news, Mike promptly walks off the court, gives up his dream of a scholarship to start a family and resents the hell out of Scarlett for the next two decades because of it.
But you can’t really blame Mike for resenting Scarlett for ruining his dreams like that. Besides being incredibly inconsiderate (how hard would it have been to wait a hour to tell him, it’s not like the situation was going to change), there are numerous options the couple could have considered that would have made a lot more sense. Mike could have gone to college near Scarlett and helped to raise the child while still getting an education, for instance. Or, gasp, she could have gotten an abortion.
Likewise you can’t really blame Scarlett for being pissed at adult Mike because he’s spent the last seventeen years hating her for ruining his chances to play college basketball. These two people just don’t treat each other very well and really have no business being together. This is a pretty big problem for the film because their relationship is really the only thing adult Mike had going for him. Once a crazy janitor transforms him back into the studly seventeen year old he once was, the only reason he doesn’t stay there is because of Scarlett. However, since their relationship is so dysfunctional, it’s pretty hard for the audience to understand why Mike would make that decision.
In fact, Mike is having such an incredible time as a teenager there’s really no explicable reason why he would choose to give that up. With the help of a makeover and a hot new car courtesy of his internet millionaire best friend, Mike positively rules the school. All the girls are in love with him. Almost all of the guys want to be just like him and the couple that don’t Mike easily outwits and crushes. He can eat whatever he wants, do whatever he wants and go wherever he wants. He has complete freedom, unlimited funds and the face and body of Zac Efron. Why the hell would he ever want to go back to being Matt Perry?
Oh, right, Scarlett, the love of his life. The problem there is that since the audience never sees Mike and Scarlett being good to each other, they have no rooting interest in seeing them get back together. They’ve always treated each other horribly in the past and there’s no reason to think that won’t continue once Mike goes back to being an adult.
Whatever minimal interest the audience might have in seeing Mike and Scarlett get back together is further undercut once Mike (as a teenager) befriends his seventeen year old son and starts hanging out at his old house. Scarlett becomes attracted to the younger Mike to the point where it looks like they might actually act on this attraction. In fact, it’s intimated that if Mike would just admit to her who he really is, she would jump him right there. (And even when he returns to his schlubby adult self, Scarlett continues to pine for his seventeen year old body.) It sure seems like everyone would have been a lot better off if Mike had stayed a teenager forever.
Basically the film is saying that being a teenager is the pinnacle of human existence and everything is downhill from there. This is an incredibly strange and, I think, harmful message to be sending to the teenagers at whom this film is clearly aimed. The standard reading on body switching films such as this (Freaky Friday, Big, etc.) is that while life isn’t easy at any age, adulthood is much more rewarding than being a teenager. And, further, that if you were one of the unlucky ones for whom high school really was the best years of your life, that’s about the saddest thing in the world.
Personally, you couldn’t pay me enough to go back and relive high school. (Random aside: that’s another reason I hate Twilight. What kind of morons would actually want to keep moving from town to town so that they could go to high school all over again?) Obviously with my adult perspective and (relative) wisdom, I could rule the place. But what’s the point of being king among children? What would it benefit me to have a bunch of teenagers think I’m cool? Is having a few people look up to you worth all the drama and hormones and curfews and random locker searches that you’d have to endure? Hell no.
This is just one more example of the many ways that our culture celebrates mediocrity. Telling average teenagers that their banal existence is the pinnacle of human experience is a product of the same coddling impulse that gives everyone a prize just for showing up, that doesn’t allow dodge ball or picking teams in gym class, that tells everyone they’re special. Being a teenager sucks. It’s the stage of life you just have to get through in order to become a fully functioning member of society. It’s the time of life most likely to be embarrassing to your future adult self. Besides, teenagers already think they know everything. Is reinforcing that belief really a good idea?
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